“Just be yourself”
Advice to “be yourself”, “be who you are”, and “be authentic” is very appropriate and it’s pretty much needed for all of us to live our own truth, but…does everyone know who they are? Do you know who YOU are?
How can people be “who they are” if they do not know what being authentic really means and why it’s risky to advise that to people who are not on their path to discovering that?
Simply, this can make us live in an even deeper lie while thinking that we are close to our authenticity.
We are not who we are told we are. We are not our life roles, we are not what we do, and we are not what we are born in. That doesn’t define us (although it does shape our decisions) but, we can always choose who we want to be.
Who you are, and who you are not?
Let’s go into a few examples.
– If you have a career, it doesn’t mean you ARE your career.
– If you hold multiple roles in your life, let’s say being a mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend… it doesn’t mean you ARE just that and that is who you are.
– The same as if you act hysterically when your child jumps on the street doesn’t make you a hysterical person, right?
– You are not what others told you are. You are not selfish because you didn’t give a toy to another child when you were a child, nor you are stupid because you weren’t good in math. The same as you are not weak, or capable to work in Engineering roles, or become CEO, or who knows what else just because you are a woman.
– The same as nationality or religion doesn’t define you. If you didn’t even get the chance to choose what nationality, religion, and house you will get born into (and here not going into a spiritual side that holds a belief we all choose before being born), why would you allow this to define you?
Is it really a part of your identity if you didn’t choose that (in case you didn’t?) Are those values really your values, or you inherited them because you weren’t allowed to even question that?
Do you know what your core values are, and do you know why they are there? Meaning, do you know there are certainly there because they are really YOU, or you picked them because you were trying to please someone by inheriting them?
And, finally, do you really try to live up to those values you discovered for yourself in every aspect of your life, and be authentic no matter how others can perceive that?
Ask yourself if you are open-minded and brave to question and dig deep into every core of your life, into the decision-making tactics you use, and into your soul, so that you can get to know yourself better.
If you are ready to question twice things that sound clear from the start, no matter how painful could it be, you are on the way to discovering who you really are. And then your inner child is freer and freer.
If not and if you think you did all the discovery just by being, without investing your time, energy, and pain using critical thinking…remember this decision and choice are also on you.